Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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