Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
