I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
