wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
