She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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