I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
