Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize