The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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