I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
