you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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