11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
