True but thats because hes a fetus.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize