Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
