My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
