He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
