I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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