Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
