It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I need to stop coming to work sober
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
