the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
