I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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