He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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