I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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