remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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