i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
