That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
