My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
