well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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