Who did Billy Mays play for?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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