Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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