I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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