dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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