so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
