She's JV to your varsity
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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