can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
