so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
