Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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