Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize