Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
