If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize