Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
