when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
