Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
