Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
