grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
