I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize