whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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