my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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