You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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