I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize