perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
