I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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