i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize