i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
