Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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