$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
