I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
