Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
