the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
