just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
