I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
