I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
