you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
