I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
