THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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