I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
