the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
