I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
