the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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