Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
