Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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