She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
